Silence is golden,
Ignorance is bliss.
If that’s what it’s about,
I’ll give it a miss!
A poem by me, Morgan Sin!
I was compelled to write something today, just because. I could come up with reasons; I had energy, I felt creative, I want to post regularly again, I want to craft more; but mostly just because!
This blog has fallen silent for quite some time as some blogs often do. Nothing wrong with that. This has always been an outlet for my personal creative passions and sadly I’ve lacked the opportunities to make time for these things. I physically, mentally and emotionally crashed, like I do every few years, but this time I decided to find out why.
And find out I did! It’s been a journey, and I’m still on it. It hasn’t always been a happy one, but it has been a successful one and will continue to be! So what did I find out? I have ME/CFS (Myalgic Encephalopathy/Chronic Fatigue Syndrome) fibromyalgia and Hashimoto’s hypothyroiditis. I’m a spoonie! Yay!
Why the hell would I be happy about this? Well I wasn’t. And I’m still rather not. But I have accepted these diagnoses now, and it all makes a hell of a lot of sense. I am happy that I am only mildly affected – sure there are days when I getting out of bed is just not going to happen, but I know it’s only going to be a few weeks or months and I’ll be on top of my world again.
Hindsight is a glorious thing. I apply what I know about myself now to every time I’ve been disappointed with myself is the past and every thing makes sense. Everything.
With finding out what is happening with me and accepting it, I’m now concentrating on learning about these illnesses and how to live with them. So between holding down my day job, resting and recovering, there isn’t much time left for crafting – yet. :D
Something that has really struck me while learning and observing how other people cope with these illnesses is how it takes over their lives. I get it, I really do: the non-stop muscle pain, the fatigue that 40 hours of sleep doesn’t shake, all-consuming brain fog, every single annoying symptom that stops you doing what you know you can do. These symptoms, the confusion and lack of hard scientific evidence about the illnesses are more than enough to drive any one, let alone spoonies, to the point where living with these illnesses and others like it becomes and obsession.
I don’t want to be like that. And happily, thankfully, gratefully, I don’t have to be. I’m only mildly affected, and my heart goes out to those who suffer these illnesses more than I do.
Since finding out about my diagnoses six months ago and finally accepting them three weeks ago, I’ve done a lot of creative writing, soul-searching and researching in between working, resting and sleeping. Have I lost any friends over it? I don’t know yet. But I do know my life is changing, forever, and for the better.
Never fear though, this blog will remain! Eventually I’ll recover enough to craft again and start posting again. I might even start posting about food again – I haven’t done that on here in how long?! I hope that by recovering (from what I now know to be an ME relapse) and keeping this blog going, I can be one more person to show it is possible to live a happy life without being consumed by life-long chronic illness.
In closing, here’s a pic that pretty much sums up how I feel about all this. My Agave plants are some beautifully tough plants but should you happen leave them outside in a Melbourne hailstorm, they will get damage that takes months to heal – if they heal at all. Nonetheless, they will grow new and more beautiful leaves once in a safe place. That’s me, growing my new leaves in my new safe place!
Stay happy! :D